Do you know this feeling? There is this awkward feeling where your brain feels heavy. Have you ever had that? Right now that’s what mine feels like, heavy. But not from being full with knowledge, it’s because it’s gone solid. Like some kind of rock or a brick. It has gone numb and I cannot use it any more. I find myself staring into space and I can’t bring myself to focus on what’s really in front of me.
We had our 3rd exam today and I think it went okay but then, what do I know? I’m brain-dead! After it I was supposed to come straight home, nap for a bit and then get into revising for the last exam which is tomorrow. As soon as we got out of the exam hall everyone was talking about going to the pub. You see, for everyone else today was their last day of Uni. But I have my last exam tomorrow for an elective module none of my other coursemates took. It hadn’t hit me until that moment; that was possibly the last time I’d see these guys.
We spent 3 years sharing classrooms and lecture theatres and although I never got very close to a lot of them I was feeling sad. A wave goodbye was not enough. I could not just turn away and leave. They invited me to the pub but I told them I had to study for my next exam. They started walking towards the local pub and since the bus stop was on the way there I joined them. At the last minute I changed my mind and kept walking. I went with them to the pub for a pint.
We had our drinks and chatted. The conversation was around random things and no one would bring up the future so I asked. “What is everyone doing for the summer?” The answers made it obvious it was the end. People were going to look for new accommodation, jobs or move away.
Once I finished my pint I had to go. I had no more time to spare and even though I wanted to stay, I stood up. We said goodbye and with a “see you later”, I opened the door. I know I’ll probably see all of them again at graduation (if everything goes well) in about 2 months but at that very moment it felt like it was the end.
I will now go back to my notes in preparation for my next exam. It’s almost over! Is it weird that I’m feeling a little sad about it? I will probably feel the exact opposite tomorrow.