1 to go (I suck at goodbyes)

Do you know this feeling? There is this awkward feeling where your brain feels heavy. Have you ever had that? Right now that’s what mine feels like, heavy. But not from being full with knowledge, it’s because it’s gone solid. Like some kind of rock or a brick. It has gone numb and I cannot use it any more. I find myself staring into space and I can’t bring myself to focus on what’s really in front of me.

We had our 3rd exam today and I think it went okay but then, what do I know? I’m brain-dead! After it I was supposed to come straight home, nap for a bit and then get into revising for the last exam which is tomorrow. As soon as we got out of the exam hall everyone was talking about going to the pub. You see, for everyone else today was their last day of Uni. But I have my last exam tomorrow for an elective module none of my other coursemates took. It hadn’t hit me until that moment; that was possibly the last time I’d see these guys.

We spent 3 years sharing classrooms and lecture theatres and although I never got very close to a lot of them I was feeling sad. A wave goodbye was not enough. I could not just turn away and leave. They invited me to the pub but I told them I had to study for my next exam. They started walking towards the local pub and since the bus stop was on the way there I joined them. At the last minute I changed my mind and kept walking. I went with them to the pub for a pint.

We had our drinks and chatted. The conversation was around random things and no one would bring up the future so I asked. “What is everyone doing for the summer?” The answers made it obvious it was the end. People were going to look for new accommodation, jobs or move away.

Once I finished my pint I had to go. I had no more time to spare and even though I wanted to stay, I stood up. We said goodbye and with a “see you later”, I opened the door. I know I’ll probably see all of them again at graduation (if everything goes well) in about 2 months but at that very moment it felt like it was the end.

I will now go back to my notes in preparation for my next exam. It’s almost over! Is it weird that I’m feeling a little sad about it? I will probably feel the exact opposite tomorrow.

12 thoughts on “1 to go (I suck at goodbyes)

  1. It’s strange how quickly people can just vanish from your life that you once thought you’d know forever.

    I was a Military Brat so it happened to me often. Every 3-5 years my Father was Posted to a new Base so every 3-5 years I had new friends/best friends but when it came time to move I don’t think I ever said anything other than ‘See ya later’.

    What’s good about it though, is that 5, 10 or even 20 years from now you could run in to them almost anywhere and fall right back in to where you left off as if hardly a day has passed. So look forward to that 🙂

  2. Whew! I totally understand and empathize with your feelings and everyone else has has given you a good perspective on that. From your intro I was just afraid that you were leading into something like “It’s now midnite and I just just stumbled in from the pub.”…You’re a good boy. Keep up the good work. It’s almost over.

  3. It’s definitely normal – I tend towards a quick “see you soon” and pretending it’s like any other day, because that’s my way of coping but I think it’s good that you went to the pub and had a pint.

  4. The end of uni is a strange time. I left my first stint at uni thinking I would totally see these people again… and since then I have only really kept in contact with 2 or 3 of them. I’m not sad about the rest, thats life but looking back I wish I had realised when I left that I might not see these people again.

    I have a feeling I will be an emotional wreck this time round. :mrgreen:

    Oh, and good luck for your last exam. 😉

  5. Tori Blaine :: Yep, it sure feels that way. Thanks! 🙂

    Miss Britt :: I cry when silly things come to an end. Like movie romances… That’s kinda sad, isn’t it?

    Abraxus :: Oh that couldn’t have been pleasant. I would hate to lose my childhood friends but then again I’ve known them for a lot longer than you had a chance to know your friends. Look at me rubbing it in! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.

    Etienne :: Hehe, I wished I could stay longer but I had a lot of things to study for the next exam. I’ll have plenty of chances to stay out until late all through the summer.

    Sylvia :: I think it’s not a bad way to deal if you risk getting depressed about it.

    Sarah :: Only this time there is facebook and myspace and all these ridiculously time consuming website that can help you stay in touch and who knows you could even organise a reunion for your class from your old uni. 😀

  6. I’d say that’s quite normal and you probably already know that. So suck it up Nancy. Get that last test over and done with. Those losers were just dragging you down anyway. Right.

  7. flutter :: It is a word because we make it a word. If words like jiggy and phat can be added to the dictionary then this deserves it more.

    cybrpunk :: Haha! No one has called me Nancy before! Awesome! 😆

  8. Change is hard. It always makes me sad when something comes to an end….but the end always means a new beginning. So now instead of feeling sad, you can feel terrified of the future.

    No need to thank me. I’m always here to help.

  9. Miss Ann Thrope :: *shakes in fear* Well actually I’m not afraid of the future any more. Let the chips fall where they may. Isn’t that an idiom or something? Anyway, you get my point.

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