It’s amazing how sometimes you get what you didn’t ask for. I am in Brighton again and yes oh yes I’m online! The guys at ntl decided to keep the contract going. I don’t know how and I don’t know why; all that I care about right now is that I’ve got internet. We’re back in business people!! It was a very nice trip but I was a bit exhausted though and then to top it up I ate too much… I ended up playing jenga with my food. I’m not going to go into detail but it was messy and I won.

Coming back to an annoying housemate and remembering that he actually exists was not something I had been prepared for. I got another year to live with him and then I’m off! I just hope I can make it through this.

I can’t believe how much I missed my broadband connection! I keep staring at download dialogues and smiling at the screen! I know, I know, I’m such a geek… I will go practice my stare and smile at the screen technique. Bye for now.

Monday is gone and it’s time to return to Brighton. In a few hours (that’s about 12 hours) I will be on my way there. Everything is starting again and I feel more ready than ever. I’m going back to my Computer Science course at Uni. People tend to think that I’m so damn smart to be doing a course like that. That is so true! NASA called and said they want me to join them, as a lab rat. They want to perform tests on me and everything!

Anyways, going back to Brighton means I will not be blogging for a while because my internet connection contract has expired. It will take me a few days to set it all up again.

The coffee I had a few hours ago is now wearing off and I can feel myself going into sleep mode. I have to resist though. I have yet to pack and this is not an easy task as I do not practice light travelling…

I’d better get back to my packing…

I hope this entry makes sense because I have been interrupted a gazillion times since I started typing. I will be back and this is not supposed to sound like a threat but it kind of is…

Dear Best Friend,
I have been thinking of ways to tell you for a very long time now. You are the only person I could trust to tell something like that to and only a couple of hours ago I did. You didn’t react; you gave me strength while I was shaking. Yes, I was shaking, I think you noticed. I feel so much better, no more hiding. I am free, no more strings attached to lies. All those secrets have been driving me mad. I was afraid you wouldn’t understand. I was afraid you would be upset. But you were not. You are my friend, my best friend. Nothing has changed you said. Everything changed for me though. All I couldn’t share will no longer drown me. Look! I’m not suffocating for once! Although I couldn’t breathe when I told you.

You know me better than anyone else. You understand my every move and my every word. You knew I was nervous and you helped me relax. You shared with me something of yours as well. You didn’t have to but you did.

I feel so lucky to be a friend of yours and I feel so stupid for hurting you in the past. Sorry for being a wanker. I promise I won’t do it again.

Love,
Colin

Yes we do, and we really did party last night. After 7 Martini’s and a lot of dancing I checked for casualties… We did well! Well we burnt part of a sofa. Oh, and one of the lads got stung by a bee (a freaking bee for crying out loud) but we weren’t kicked out of the club and that’s what counts!

Another issue that occurred to me on my way into the house was roosters. Roosters should not be allowed anywhere. Ever! They’re really annoying. Especially when you have been trying so hard to not make any noise on your way in and at that crucial moment when you walk past bedrooms of people sleeping, the rooster decides to give it all he’s got! Not only do they wake up and think it was you that woke them up but they also get to wake up to you posing against the wall with a ’scared-shitless’ expression on your face. I say we bar roosters from our societies.

So, yeah, that was last night. Waking up today was alright, although I had Special Olympics hair at the time. It was the eating that was a bit awkward. No matter how hard this is to believe, I, (yes, ME,) I had trouble eating. I was simply not hungry. Still it doesn’t make any sense. I’m scared. What if there is a certain amount of food a person can eat in a lifetime? What if I ate my last yesterday? Nah, that can’t be…

Being neurotic over little things like that isn’t easy you know. It takes a lot of energy! So I am hoping I will be hungry soon.

It has been a while since I went shopping for clothes as well. This means I’m starting to have withdrawal symptoms… “MUUSSST SPEEEENNND MONNNNNEYYYY” is what the voices have been telling me all day (in a ‘BRAAAIIINNNS - MUST EAT BRAAAIIINNNS’ kind of way). But I need to have money before I can spend it and that proves to be an obstacle on my “let me see how many shopping bags I can carry” quest.

I will stop this now because I’m rambling on with no sense again. Plus I have another party to attend tonight.

Dear Mr. G.W.B.,

Please,

look at what happened. Your people need you. Yes, your people. I think Iraq has had the pleasure of your attention for far too long now. It is time you directed your eyes at something closer and more important. Time to help the people that ASKED you to help them when they voted for you. Support them, they need you. Yes, you’ve tried but that’s just not enough.

My heart goes out to all these people that are living through this disaster, the one’s that didn’t make it and their families. I feel so grateful to be so far away yet I wish I was near. I wish I could help. My hands cannot reach that far but my heart can.

I can’t help and it makes me angry. You can help Mr. President. Please do it for me. You can practise saying “nuclear” some other time.

Thank you in advance,
Colin

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Goodbye, I will say today. Goodbye warm sweet summer breeze. I will force myself to live carefree for another few days but I’m not strong enough. There is a new year ahead of me, waiting to be lived. Today the new year begins. September starts things over not January.

Autumn is here, yes. It is depressing, yes. But depressing can be good sometimes. Makes you appreciate some things more. It makes me glad to wish myself a happy new year. I wanted to avoid the repetition and live a different Autumn with a different winter and spring following it. I wanted 2004-2005 to be unique and it was. Dear Autumn, thank you.

I will wake up tomorrow with a smile of confidence. It is my anniversary. My first anniversary of doing things my way. Standing on my own two feet and smiling while I do so. 366 days ago I was handing over my heart to the only person that could give me a chance to stand and he did. Thank you. Do you remember me shaking and forgetting my English as I spoke to you? Do you remember my nervous smile? I wasn’t confident then, I was scared shitless. You saw I could do this, you probably saw it in my eyes. You trusted me, thank you.

I want to say I owe you but the word isn’t strong enough.