I want to write, create, express myself but no words come out. No words of substance, no words whatsoever. No allegories and no deeper meanings. I’ve gone flat like soft drinks do.

It is a black and white period for me with a heck of a greyscale in the middle and I find myself with no colour. Like waltzing lonely, back and forth and round and round but still on that same colourless dance floor. I find the routine of the song a little fast for my feet but I keep up. I haven’t lost my passion yet, I will dance and twirl until the disco lights come on because that’s what people do and I am no quitter.

And I will turn the disco lights on myself, not because I have any clue where the switch is but because I will fight for it. No one will take my spark away and no one will paint my fire grey. Have you ever seen a black and white photo of a fire? It feels cold and empty and I am not. I have things I want to do, memories to put down and parts of myself to explore. I was taught not to give up.

So I am feeling stronger and no longer sheeplike. I know how to make your face twitch, you know.

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Written by Colin Brooks on 08.01.07 at 10:44 pm.