BFF’s
She was just another student like me and we had nothing in common. Yet we both clicked and started spending every free minute together, we could make each other laugh and we never ran out of things to say. We would spend hours together at school and when we got home we would spend even more time on the phone to each other talking about everything and nothing. Soon our parents met and we would hang out all together since they got along very well too.
We never fought and hardly ever disagreed. She was obsessed with the Backstreet Boys and wanted to marry one of them. I would tease her endlessly about it. We supported each other and when things got ugly with another student I was there having her back like she would do for me.
She changed school but nothing changed between us. We would still talk on the phone and exchange stories of how our day was. She still wanted to come to the prom but she was still not reconciled with that other student. She may had plans to actually cause a scene during the prom. In a conversation with her mother at her house, my mother said that maybe she shouldn’t go if her plan was to cause a scene because that would not solve anything but simply make things worse and in this case things could get worse for me too since I was the one who had invited her. There was a mild spat between the two but I didn’t think too much about it. My mother told them that we had the tickets and to let us know if she wanted to go after all so we could arrange how we would meet so and all go together.
We left their house and I discussed it with my parents. Could it be that she just wanted to come to the prom just to cause a scene and not to simply be there? We agreed to not call them until they did. They didn’t. I was upset that she never called to even say that she didn’t want to go. It was a matter of egoism. I could not believe our relationship had changed so much that she would put that first. The more she didn’t call the more upset I got. My own egoism had kicked in.
The phone never rang and a text message was never received. I never heard anything from her and never saw her again. It was not right that she put a fight with someone else over our own friendship. After 6 years (has it really been 6 years? it feels longer) I am still waiting for that call. I am still hoping to hear from her, learn what she’s been up to. I still miss her. I didn’t say goodbye. We just stopped.
Last night I found her on facebook. I could not believe my eyes. I would not recognise her if I saw her somewhere. She had changed a lot just like I have, I suppose. And yet, I could not click that link. I could not add her as a friend and I could not send a message. I was too afraid. I know, it sounds silly but I was. My mouse kept hovering over the links and then I couldn’t see any more. My eyes were flooded with tears and I was sitting there doing nothing. I could not click away from the page. That tiny little photo of her made me freeze.
There must be a better way to do this than over the internet. I could call, besides I still have her number stored on my phone even after 6 years. I transferred it over every time I got a new phone just in case she called or I would master the courage to call her. But then again no, I shouldn’t call. Things will never be the same between us and I don’t want to start this again. The memories will do for now. Maybe some day we’ll bump into each other in person. Maybe then she will want to talk to me. I know I want to talk to her. Until then I will keep all the memories and hope.
Related posts:
Topical Tuesday #10 :: Favourite Memories
what is the opposite of a mother’s day present?
the dream where i have a baby
i hear voices (proper ones)
smoking is bad, smokers are not bad people
OMG Colin, my heart is just broken reading this. Friendship means everything to me and if there is one thing I’ve learned recently time is precious. Six years is a lot of time…a lot of life experiences. I, for one, would have to “click” as a way to open the line of communication. Someone has to make a move. Maybe she’s seen you and thought the same thing.
I’m sure others will disagree and say that you should just let things be but you are always going to wonder “why?” and you are always going to wonder “what if?”.
Do what’s right for you but I’m cheering you on to get in touch.
Love ya!
Commented on June 10th, 2008 at 4:02 pmI had something like that happen to me recently with a super sweet BFF from high school. Her and I had just kind of “stopped” as well, and not on the best of terms. Many many years later, I found her on MySpace and I had much the same reaction. What to do?
I clicked. And I’ve never once since last September been sorry I did.
{{{{hugs}}}} to you in what ever you decide to do.
Commented on June 10th, 2008 at 4:47 pmSomeone has to take the first step Colin. Whether it was good fortune, karma or fate that you stumbled on her Facebook that opportunity is yours now.
From the sounds of your Post it really seems like you could use some closure on the subject for good or ill. Good luck with it whatever you decide to do. I think probably everyone has a little bit of that in their lives.
Commented on June 10th, 2008 at 5:06 pmthis is a tricky one…
things may or not be the same as before.. people move on
she may be feeling the same… or not
things happen for a reason, and sometime the old saying, of “let sleeping dogs lie” is appropriate and just remember things as they were.
I have met lots of people over the years, and a few things like this have happened, i always wonder what if etc etc, but personally prefer to remember things as they were
but thats me, but be prepared for whatever the reaction is -ve or +ve
Good luck mister
Commented on June 10th, 2008 at 5:49 pmRemember, always that people deal with things in their own twisted ways. I am sorry she let you down, but I can almost guarantee you she would be thrilled to hear from you. Whow wouldn’t?
Commented on June 10th, 2008 at 6:43 pm“We are rarely proud when we are alone.”
“Pride costs more than hunger, thirst and cold.”
“No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride”
“Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real”
“Temper gets you into trouble. Pride keeps you there.”
“In general, pride is at the bottom of all great mistakes.”
“Idleness and pride tax with a heavier hand than kings and governments.”
“It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.”
OK?
Commented on June 11th, 2008 at 2:34 amYou know what to do. Don’t be afraid. You’ll feel better for having done the right thing.
I’m a firm believer in taking risks when it comes to people you love.
You know, she could be on her end wishing YOU would call her.
Suck it up. Go for it with no expectations.
I do not want you getting hurt. If she’s mean to you, I’m going in.
Commented on June 11th, 2008 at 3:42 amYou can’t go back again. If you talk to her you will always want an explanation. I think you made the rigth decision to just move her permanently to a memory. Reliving it is pointless.
Commented on June 11th, 2008 at 4:50 amThis is a toughie. I have a similar experience to this in fact, although I have not ‘found’ her again yet. I keep looking for her on facebook, but there are so many people with her name and so many people without a picture I just don’t know where to start.
I think I am with the majority of others though. I would go for it but go into it with no expectations, she may be feeling the same way towards you as you are her. She may be regretting her actions and be too scared to try and make a mends. Afterall, I am sure we have all done stupid things when younger that we would love to put right.
Commented on June 11th, 2008 at 8:51 amI too agree with most of the others. Go for it. You never know! People change over the years. Don’t have any expectations and start off again with a clean slate. You will never know until you try and if you don’t, you will always wonder “what if…..?”
Commented on June 11th, 2008 at 9:31 amJust look at Miss Ann and Karen. People grow up.
Oh, and wtf, I thought I was your bff *cries eyes out*
Commented on June 13th, 2008 at 2:20 amFollow your heart.
Commented on June 13th, 2008 at 11:44 pm