therapy in the making » brain-barf vol.1: it’s a Munday

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Jul

brain-barf vol.1: it’s a Munday

Filed under coffee fueled, daily, humorous, thinking.

Is it Monday? It’s not? But it feels like a Monday! A mundane day, a Munday. So it’s just a Munday and not a Monday. Alright, I’ll settle for Munday. Why did I even bother drinking that coffee today? It was such a waste of perfectly good, strong coffee. I know! I’ll do something creative! Like, like, like… I’ll watch TV. “I’ll watch TV”?? Is that all I can think? Surely there must be something else I could do! Something that requires a little more energy. I could go back to reading my copy of Wild ducks flying backwards but that’s hardly an effort. I know that most of you busy bees out there (who would kill to be in my place) are wondering if there’s a history of mental illness in my family. The answer is no, I am the first one, the pioneer if you wish. I know that all you busy bees out there really want and most likely need and deserve a Munday like mine and I’m sorry that it’s happening to me and not you. It is so bad that when the phone rung before, my heart actually skipped a beat in joy! I spent about 10 minutes talking to that telemarketer although I really don’t need double glazing…

Since I have nothing better to do (or say) and I am done playing with telemarketers (they’re no fun), I’ll let my brain go wild on you. Essentially what I’m offering is a brain-barf:

I’ve always found it ridiculous when waiters ask if you’re finished with your food when the plates are completely empty. I always fight the urge to reply something sarcastic to that. Something like “No, we’re not done licking them” or “No, I’m not done with my crumb, hold on, done” but then again I’m usually too full to form such a complete sentence plus I am hardly ever so mean in people’s faces. Wouldn’t it be far more appropriate if instead of “Are you finished?”, they asked “Can I clear your plates?” or something like that?

Do you know how you can tell if you’ve had too many tequila shots? Apart from the “legs not doing what brain is saying” thing, when there are lemon bits stuck in your teeth!

Hasn’t anyone ever thought that fruit-baskets are really an awkward thing to receive?

If you had a hammer would you hammer in the morning? Would you hammer in the evening? Would you hammer all over this land? (Yes, I have been listening to 60’s music, again) I didn’t know there were so many things one could do with a hammer! I ought to get me one!

Seriously, why do they keep implying we’re stupid? We don’t all marry our cousins you know! And I for one have all my chromosomes! Here’s a for-instance: