It’s almost 6am here and I can’t fall asleep. Insomnia has kicked my ass again. I tried but it didn’t work. I just can’t sleep tonight. There are thoughts in my head tonight and lots of them. I accidentally played a song that made me reminisce about when things were simpler and I had no cares in the world.
Uni coursework was not an issue and even if it was I didn’t seem to care about it. I didn’t have a boyfriend and I didn’t mind. I was out having fun and enjoying myself as often as I could. It was my second year in Brighton and I had just come out of an almost year-long depression. I just let everything go and had fun. But you see, things were going very well for almost a year and that doesn’t sit well with my karma.
After finally feeling free to enjoy myself, finding the right friends to hang out with and eventually finding a boyfriend things started going downhill. I started having very big problems with my housemate, had a bad break-up and I decided to slow down. Actually, it was a combination of a decision and other factors like getting back to studying and finally finding a part time job where I worked on a regular basis and not just once a month. Being the emotional person that I am, the break-up had affected me more than I wanted to admit. I stopped going out as often. I did not want to meet anyone new. I was only interested in making new friends and it was enough. It actually fulfilled me and I didn’t feel I was missing anything but things were not as great as the year before.
Since then, things have been slowing down even more and lately they’ve come to a screeching halt. However, I know that everything will get better. I have to believe this otherwise the depression will get so bad I won’t be able to get out of bed again. I sound worse than I feel and I hate it. I am a happy person and I can’t stand to see myself break down or get depressed about small things.
To use the lyrics of the song; I will always get up after a nosebleed and I will jump into puddles again.
Hey, look! It’s raining outside!
I give you Hoppípolla by Sigur Rós: (I am putting the video before the audio because the video makes the song even better and you should definitely watch it)
Update: I have replaced the old video I had with the HQ version of it. It was a bitch to get it to embed but I found a hack for it and you can now enjoy it in it’s full glory (well at least fuller than before).
Yoshi was kind enough to give me an award and not just any award! Look! I’m rated E! I will wear this badge with pride and honour from now on, even though I never thought of this blog as excellent. I think it’s more of a random mess of words and ramblings. I like to just blurt out whatever pops into my head and it’s mostly used to accommodate my need of an outlet about things I can’t discuss with other people. Hmmmm, maybe I need more friends that will listen? No, already have that! I think I might be too self centred then and want the world to know about what I’m going through? Yes, that sounds like a more reasonable explanation, I’ll stick with that. I am not ready to admit I am addicted to writing about my life.
Right, enough with the weird thought process above. Now for the acceptance speech:
I want to thank the Yoshi Academy *sobs*, my parents, my brother, my imaginary friends *sobs more*, Nescafé, Starbucks, Redbull. I also want to thank my procrastination for keeping this blog alive, ABBA for the music, India, providence, terror, nothingness, disillusionment, clarity, frailty, consequence and other random Alanis Morissette words from her songs. *sobs one last time* Most importantly though, I want to thank the people who have been around commenting and offering their kind supporting words whenever I am down or things get rough for me.
It is now my turn to offer this award to 10 people that were not already in Yoshi’s list. In no particular order:
I could go on but I’m limited to 10 people and I like to play by the rules. Danalyn does not get one because like Yoshi said she needs to blog more. She is awesome though and so she deserves an honourable mention.
This award started at Project Mommy and I think she’s the most Excellent one of all of us for starting this.
Since this blog died on Friday night I have not been able to post about things I’ve been up to here. Of course I’m still guest blogging at Pandora’s Box while the wonderful Pandora is away and this helped a little but there are things that don’t belong there and that should be here. The blog downage (it is a real word because I said it) yesterday meant that there isn’t an addition to my Mondayz Tunez this week. I will post another song next week since this is my second post for today and I don’t want to over-post.
The first and very big and awesome piece of news is that the plaid toaster has now been saved! Melanie’s blog was in danger of closing down but everyone helped and the crisis has been averted! I may not know Melanie very well but I tried to help too because that’s what I would like other people to do for me if I was ever in any trouble and I can totally understand what it feels like to be left without a outlet for your daily woes.
Moving forward in time to last night now… I went to Jacob’s Stories Album Launch Show. (Jacob’s Stories MySpace page – you can hear some of the songs here) The show was great and the other two bands there supporting Jacob’s Stories were very good also but the highlight of the night for me was the performance of Jacob’s Stories. I have photos and video from the night which I will post later or tomorrow and I got Stuart to sign my copy of the album for which I am very excited! After last night I have decided to make more of an effort to attend shows of local bands.
Today I was invited to go to an advanced screening of 27 Dresses which I decided not to go to even though I thought the film would be a good laugh. I have a lot of work to do for my final year project (which is due very soon). I will try and watch it some other time that I’ll have less to do.
This is it for now. I hope you’re having a nice Tuesday!
Wow, what a week! I can’t begin to imagine how exhausting (but incredibly enjoyable) the weekend will be but even so I have been trying to prepare for the blogathon while my hosting is misbehaving.
The worst was when I tried to get the sidebar in place for the Blogathon. I don’t know if this has happened to anyone before and this is the first time I complain about WordPress (which hurts me deeply as I adore it) but when you make changes to a template that is live the changes don’t take effect until you change the template to another one and then back again! I even deactivated the WP-Cache plugin to make sure that this was not the reason that it was happening. Now, in all fairness I hadn’t attempted to do this on a live template in almost a year but last time I did, it worked! Could this be a bug in the latest version of WordPress? Could it be a server issue? Anyone?
Now, as I am really pressed for time and I have been very busy with work, dates (okay it was just the one) and a special party tonight only for me (I will say more about these tomorrow), I had to plan my every step. Here’s what it looks like:
Go to bed as early as possible
Wake up at 10 and take the first shower of the day
Don’t drink coffee
Go to the super market and get all the junk you can find on the shelves
Go back home and prepare first post
If brain is not working drink coffee
Once the first post is done continue with collecting the information you need
It’s 2pm. Time to Blog A ‘Thon!
Hopefully I will manage to do this, if I don’t it will be because I will have a hangover… Pray to the Flying Spaghetti Monster I don’t…