10 days left

And so it starts. The final countdown to what will hopefully be the end of my life as an undergraduate.

My first exam is tomorrow but my mind has already skipped to the end of this academic year. Even though I have a rough few days ahead of me I just need it to feel like it’s over. I am not as stressed as I was a few weeks ago. Actually, I’m lying, I am very stressed and very worried but somehow I’m not letting it get to me. The “come what may” approach.

In light of recent events, (my mother being admitted to hospital and having surgery to remove a brain tumour) I have managed to put everything in perspective. It’s not the healthiest of perspectives but it’s the only thing I can do to keep myself sane through this last stage of my course. If things don’t go well I’ll still survive. I’m not saying I am prepared for things to go wrong but if they do I’m sure I’ll be able to face it.

I know I have not updated you Internets on my mum’s health the last few days so I’ll do it right now. My mother was allowed to leave the hospital on Friday last week after they removed her stitches. She is now at home recovering. Today she saw the doctor as scheduled so they could check and make sure everything is healing up well. Everything is okay and she no longer has any headaches or any of the other symptoms she was having before.

That is all I have to say right now. Wish me luck for tomorrow and I’ll update on how it went after the exam is over and possibly after I’ve had some sleep.

what is the opposite of a mother’s day present?

I received some bad news last week. My mum has been having some very bad headaches lately. She has been taking pain killers but they would always come back. I have asked her, begged her to go see a doctor. She never did. She kept saying she would but never actually arranged to go. I am very much like my mother. I take after her in more than one ways especially personality-wise. I do not go to doctors. I know I should and I keep saying I will but I end up never going. Exactly like my mother.

Last week the headaches got pretty bad and my dad took her to see a doctor. The tests showed a tumour. That was the bad news. The good news were that the tumour was benign. It is a lipoma which is nothing more than fatty tissue which is normally left untouched unless there are cosmetic reasons to remove it. In the case of my mother however the lipoma is pressing against a nerve (or possibly more than one) in her head which is causing the headaches and from what I understand the nausea she was experiencing last week as well.

Today she was admitted to hospital. She is having a lot of tests done. She is spending Mother’s Day in a bed. She has to remain still and is not going to sleep because of that. But that, for me, is not the worse thing.

The worse thing is that she is alone. I am not there because I can’t be there. She is too far away for me to visit. I am close to tears because I can’t be there for her. There’s nothing I can do about it and it’s killing me. A phone call is not enough but it’s all we have right now. I tried to be strong on the phone and as cheerful as possible. The last thing she needs is a boy crying over the phone right now. I laughed and joked and did my best to give her as much strength as possible. People have told me this is not a dangerous procedure and that I shouldn’t worry but all this means nothing because the truth is I am too scared of losing her. You know what the first thing she said on the phone was? That she’s sorry but it looks like she won’t be able to be here for my finals. She is the most powerful person I know and I can only wish to be half the person she is.

Mum, I love you.