There’s something about writing while on a carefree (and sometimes careless) holiday that I can’t define but which makes me want to skip the task. I don’t want to document it; I want to live it. No bookmarks, just bookends. It started in June and it ends now. It is, most likely, my last long summer holiday during which I don’t have anything to deal with. No job, no school, just the warm sun and salty skin.

I wanted to simply enjoy the summer. To make no plans but simply live it the way it comes. Experience that incredible loss of control, like when you sneeze, fart and pee simultaneously. To turn my brain off for a bit and just be. A nice, slightly tanned, vegetable with no thoughts, no worries, no past and no future. Just the now.

Unfortunately, my brain has forgotten how to do this after all these years and it now runs wild non stop. Unless I am reading a book or watching a film, my brain will get itself onto a train of non-sequential thoughts. It will jump from one coach to another and sometimes even switch trains as they whoosh past each other. Taking me to the past; contemplating how I finally ended up here. 4 years of uni, past romances, old friends, lost friends, new friends, jobs, dreams, nightmares, problems, solutions, resolutions, right choices, wrong ones, regrets and no regrets.

It also tries to take me to the future. Tries to make me decide what I want, must or can do to move on to the next step. You see, no matter how much I attempt to trick it into believing that I am a child, it knows I’m not. I’m an adult with a Computer Science degree and will soon (it scares me how soon) be starting a Masters. Where will this take me, where should I let it take me and where must I make it take me? I don’t want to decide all that right now although I must definitely start thinking about it. So, I have a solution. I’ll just go towards the water again and take a swim, because, you see, I’m at the beach and the lack of something to read is what caused my brain to roam like that.

Here’s to the end of a well deserved summer holiday and the beginning of an exciting academic year.

*dives*

You wake up at 6 in the evening because you slept at 10 in the morning. Your sleeping schedule is too screwed up to bother to think about it right now. Something’s not right, you had another weird dream. You think it’s a good idea to not have any coffee now because your new-found optimism suggests that this will help you sleep at a more appropriate time for a change.

You are wrong, not only will this not help but you will also be cranky for the rest of your waking hours. Admitting it is the first step and you, my sad, slow-thinking and profoundly clumsy self have become addicted to the caffeine. All these coffee flavoured years of your life have come back to bite you in the ass but you’re not sorry you did it. In fact, you’d do it again and you’d drink even more coffee.

You haven’t blogged for days and you haven’t shaved in as many of them. Your summer vacation has taken a weird and unexpected turn. Unexpected because recently you received some wonderful news which does not explain why you feel so miserable right now. You should be on a constant high.

The papers were congratulating you. You are now a scientist. Well, you’re a “Computer Scientist” but saying just “scientist” is funnier. This is another thing you haven’t told the internets. Your results were better than what you expected and you’ll be graduating next week. Hazah! You realise that things will be different in your life from now on but then you remember.

“Oh… penis!” There was another envelope. You were offered a place at that Masters degree course you wanted to take. You feel like uni will never be over. You’ll be the eternal student having a heart attack while frantically trying to take notes of what the lecturer is talking about. Of course you’re complaining, it’s in your nature, and after this last year it’s become the only way you can communicate. You find things to complain about even when the news are great.

You realise you wrote a whole post referring to yourself in the second-person. You loathe yourself.

Who are all these people walking around like zombies on speed? I hear yelling and cars are driving by with their horns screaming. There is a water fountain and a bunch of people are trying to cool themselves. The temperature keeps rising. It is now 35C (or 95F) and it is meant to go up to 36C (96F) but they always lie, it always goes higher than what they say. I am in Greece! I am here for holidays with my family and oh my goat is it hot! I am used to the British climate and all this heat is making me tired. All I want to do is sleep.

I have been absent from the blog-world recently because I was all over the place. I spent last week seeing my friends and travelling to London and back. I had very little energy to blog when I got home and I haven’t even read other people’s blogs in days. It will take forever to catch up so I won’t be able to read all the entries I have missed but I will do my best.

I decided to come to Greece mostly because I want to spend as much time with my mum as possible. She is still very fragile, very swollen and taking certain drugs with weird names but that is not what scares me. What scares me is how different she looks. She looks more alive than ever but her shaved head and the scars look unreal. She looks a older in the way she moves and her hands shake like an old person’s. She wears a head scarf to protect herself from the sun and keep her head warm. She is doing okay though, she can’t do much around the house like cook, lift things or bend over to pick something up. She will recover fully though, at least that’s what the doctor said. However, it will take time.

In other news, today I will be going to see Linkin Park live! I can’t believe it! I have been a big fan of their music since they first started and somehow I always managed to miss them when they played in the UK. Who would have thought I’d finally manage to see them live in Greece? Not me, that’s for sure! Now, how I’m going to deal with going to a concert when it’s so hot out there, I don’t know. I’ll figure that out when the time comes.

I’ll try to take pictures for you but I won’t bring my camera with me because I don’t want to carry too much stuff on me. My phone has a decent camera on it so hopefully that will do.