I cannot believe this has happened. I knew it was coming but still it seems unreal that she is gone. Having said this, she isn’t really gone. She is loved and will stay with everyone who ever knew her forever because that is the person Lisa was. Caring, friendly, fierce, outspoken, honest and real. You couldn’t help but fall in love with her beauty, inner and outer.
We spoke a few times about her problems with cancer and the things she had to go through and she always stressed that it should not make me or anyone else sad. It’s almost an impossible thing to do because all this time I hadn’t been able to not feel sad about it.
It is what it is, she would say over and over again and the cancer was not going to win. She was fighting it in any way she could but unfortunately the disease from hell was always waiting around the corner with something new to throw at her. Cancer never won Lisa, not even in the end. She remained strong and positive about it keeping her personality intact. Cancer never defined her life, she chose what defined her life. Cancer won her body but not her mind.
So in the way she would have liked me to do, I am not mourning her death but celebrating her life. My thoughts are with her husband and her gorgeous girls.
This is one of the hardest posts I ever had to write and I can’t type any more. Please go over to Lisa’s blog if you wish to pay your respects and leave a message for her amazing family.
You wake up at 6 in the evening because you slept at 10 in the morning. Your sleeping schedule is too screwed up to bother thinking about it right now. Something’s not right, you had another weird dream. You think it’s a good idea to not have any coffee now because your new-found optimism suggests that this will help you sleep at a more appropriate time for a change.
You are wrong, not only will this not help but you will also be cranky for the rest of your waking hours. Admitting it is the first step and you, my sad, slow-thinking and profoundly clumsy self have become addicted to caffeine. All these coffee flavoured years of your life have come back to bite you in the ass but you’re not sorry you did it. In fact, you’d do it again.
You haven’t blogged for days and you haven’t shaved in as many. Your summer vacation has taken a weird and unexpected turn. Unexpected because you recently received some wonderful news which does not explain why you feel so miserable right now. You should be on a constant high.
The papers were congratulating you. You are now a scientist. Well, you’re a “Computer Scientist” but saying just “scientist” is funnier. This is another thing you haven’t told the internets. Your results were better than what you expected and you’ll be graduating next week. Hurrah! You realise that things will be different in your life from now on but then you remember.
“Oh…!” There was another envelope. You were offered a place at that Masters degree course you applied to. You feel like uni will never be over. You’ll be the eternal student having a heart attack while frantically trying to take notes of what the lecturer is talking about. Of course you’re complaining, it’s in your nature, and after this last year it’s become the only way you can communicate. You find things to complain about even when the news are great.
You realise you wrote a whole post referring to yourself in the second-person. You loathe yourself.
I received some bad news last week. My mum has been having some very bad headaches lately. She has been taking pain killers but they would always come back. I have asked her, begged her to go see a doctor. She never did. She kept saying she would but never actually arranged to go. I am very much like my mother. I take after her in more than one ways especially personality-wise. I do not go to doctors. I know I should and I keep saying I will but I end up never going. Exactly like my mother.
Last week the headaches got pretty bad and my dad took her to see a doctor. The tests showed a tumour. That was the bad news. The good news were that the tumour was benign. It is a lipoma which is nothing more than fatty tissue which is normally left untouched unless there are cosmetic reasons to remove it. In the case of my mother however the lipoma is pressing against a nerve (or possibly more than one) in her head which is causing the headaches and from what I understand the nausea she was experiencing last week as well.
Today she was admitted to hospital. She is having a lot of tests done. She is spending Mother’s Day in a bed. She has to remain still and is not going to sleep because of that. But that, for me, is not the worse thing.
The worse thing is that she is alone. I am not there because I can’t be there. She is too far away for me to visit. I am close to tears because I can’t be there for her. There’s nothing I can do about it and it’s killing me. A phone call is not enough but it’s all we have right now. I tried to be strong on the phone and as cheerful as possible. The last thing she needs is a boy crying over the phone right now. I laughed and joked and did my best to give her as much strength as possible. People have told me this is not a dangerous procedure and that I shouldn’t worry but all this means nothing because the truth is I am too scared of losing her. You know what the first thing she said on the phone was? That she’s sorry but it looks like she won’t be able to be here for my finals. She is the most powerful person I know and I can only wish to be half the person she is.
Mum, I love you.
Those of you following me on twitter probably already know this but Diz suggested I post this on here too.
This morning I downloaded the new Madonna album, Hard Candy to give it a listen while I was studying. Let me state here that I am not a fan of Madonna and I only like some of her older songs with the exception of her previous album (Confessions on the Dance Floor) which I remember listening to a lot and actually enjoying. This is not the type of music I choose to listen to unless I’m out in a bar or something.
So I gave Hard Candy a full listen to see what all the fuss was about and with the exception of a few moments (not even whole songs) I did not like it. I heard the 4 Minutes single she did with Justin Timberlake and I cannot see what is good about it either. I find the whole album very dull. I cannot describe it in a better way. I found it dull and repetitive.
By the time I had reached the last song my head was hurting. This is the first time music has given me a headache before. Actually it’s not the first time but all the other times involved a lot of headbanging and the headache was always worth it. It all started when I “twittered” that the new Madonna album gave me a headache and then decided to take it a step further. I like poking fun at simple things like this. Mocking the album like that was a great outlet for my frustration with the coursework I was doing at the time. Here are the tweets in the order I posted them.
- The new Madonna album gave me a headache.
- The new Madonna album killed the pope.
- The new Madonna album dethroned the queen and increased all our taxes.
- The new Madonna album ate my last oreo.
- The new Madonna album is behind global warming.
- The new Madonna album will kill you softly… with its words.
- The new Madonna album kidnapped Santa and cancelled Christmas. Forever.
- The new Madonna album – When you hear it you’ll shit bricks.
- The new Madonna album sneezed in my coffee.
- The new Madonna album attacked my mother with a spork.
So it’s been almost 4 days since this blog died an ugly death. Two of the MySQL servers of the hosting company stopped working (with no explanation given) and when I contacted them they said that I should check the “known current issues” section in the account control panel. In fewer words; they suck. They didn’t even bother to tell me what was happening and their response ended in “I hope you’re having a great weekend”.
I may be too upset about this but when someone contacts you in the middle of the night before the sun is even up on Saturday and they tell you that their site is dead they can’t be having too great a weekend can they? They probably didn’t mean it sarcastically but that’s how I took it. I wanted to jump through the screen, grab them by the shoulders and shake them a couple of times.
As you can see the database is back online which means the site is back on as well but I don’t know for how long. As I type this the server might have already crapped out on me again and when I click the Publish button my entry will be lost. I made a fresh backup of the database and will soon start to move away from this hosting company.
They used to be far more reliable when I was with them a year ago and now they’ve lost me as a customer for ever. If they had done anything about this issue sooner or if they had offered some sort of decent apology or compensation I would not be so upset but they haven’t.
Bye bye streamline.net. I am seriously disappointed in you.