It’s almost 6am here and I can’t fall asleep. Insomnia has kicked my ass again. I tried but it didn’t work. I just can’t sleep tonight. There are thoughts in my head tonight and lots of them. I accidentally played a song that made me reminisce about when things were simpler and I had no cares in the world.
Uni coursework was not an issue and even if it was I didn’t seem to care about it. I didn’t have a boyfriend and I didn’t mind. I was out having fun and enjoying myself as often as I could. It was my second year in Brighton and I had just come out of an almost year-long depression. I just let everything go and had fun. But you see, things were going very well for almost a year and that doesn’t sit well with my karma.
After finally feeling free to enjoy myself, finding the right friends to hang out with and eventually finding a boyfriend things started going downhill. I started having very big problems with my housemate, had a bad break-up and I decided to slow down. Actually, it was a combination of a decision and other factors like getting back to studying and finally finding a part time job where I worked on a regular basis and not just once a month. Being the emotional person that I am, the break-up had affected me more than I wanted to admit. I stopped going out as often. I did not want to meet anyone new. I was only interested in making new friends and it was enough. It actually fulfilled me and I didn’t feel I was missing anything but things were not as great as the year before.
Since then, things have been slowing down even more and lately they’ve come to a screeching halt. However, I know that everything will get better. I have to believe this otherwise the depression will get so bad I won’t be able to get out of bed again. I sound worse than I feel and I hate it. I am a happy person and I can’t stand to see myself break down or get depressed about small things.
To use the lyrics of the song; I will always get up after a nosebleed and I will jump into puddles again.
Hey, look! It’s raining outside!
Update: I have replaced the old video I had with the HQ version of it. It was a bitch to get it to embed but I found a hack for it and you can now enjoy it in it’s full glory (well at least fuller than before).
Audio after the bump… Continue reading