For once in your life, learn from your mistakes. Next time you feel a sneeze coming on… Put. The. Coffee. Down.
Next time Proud Mary comes on at the gym, get off the elliptical machine. Collapsing on the floor trying to catch your breath while looking for your legs is not a pretty sight. It was a close call today. How many of those do you think you’ll get?!
I need to learn how to say “shut your hole you loud inconsiderate prick” in every language there is. It sucks to live so close to all these pubs.
Don’t drink Red Bull when you’re bored. It will drive you mad.
Do not shop online when you’ve just woken up or you’ll end up ordering stuff that are out of stock again. New rule: Coffee is required before clicking any “Complete Order” buttons.