procrastination causes braindeadiness

The end is coming! It is! Blogathon will be ending soon! I don’t think I remember what life is like without Blogathon. I have been dealing with it since Thursday night, since my family kept me busy until then. Group emails, tweets, making some changes to the blog template, cursing because I broke the template, fixing it, more group emails, calls, instant messages…

It’s all for a good cause though and I volunteered to do this so I would never complain. In fact I’ve been enjoying this. It’s nice to do things you want with people who want to do them. This is only my second time participating in Blogathon as a blogger and this year’s experience has been much better than the previous. Plus, I don’t think I’d have made it to the end if I did it on my own. I’d probably have pulled out half my hair and destroyed my blog by now (I tend to break it by accident every time I’m in a rush).

This reminds that I discovered a bald spot in my left eyebrow. I don’t know why or how but I woke up and there was a bald spot! I have talked about how I am very clumsy and tend to discover scratches and bruises on me that I don’t remember getting but this is different. I’ve also been noticing other weird things. Lately I keep catching myself doing the stupidest things. What is happening to me? When did I become the person who cannot remember to not speak while he has mouthwash in his mouth? Yes, I made a mess.

I think it might have to do with the fact that I haven’t been doing much with my brain over the past couple of weeks. I’ve been very lazy and I guess it’s true what they say. Your brain is a muscle, if you don’t use it, you lose it and let’s just say that I’ve been finding myself with time to floss, time to clean, to discover that my duvet fits in the washing machine, etc.

Starting this Monday I should be getting back into my uni work. I have to start and finish my dissertation by the end of September. Although it sounds like a long time it’s not. There are a lot of things than need to be done. I have a lot of reading, writing and referencing to do. Preferably I should use half the time to research and write it and the rest to make correction/revisions and “last minute” additions which aim to improve the grade.

Having said all this, I know what I’m like and I can see myself procrastinating another week away. What do you tend to do when you procrastinate or get lazy?

the girl who graduated

She wasn’t sitting among us and most of us didn’t even realise. Her name was announced but no one appeared for the handshake. We applauded mindlessly and slowly stopped. John Taylor continued to say that she had died before the completion of her studies in a car accident. Everyone’s heart sank. John resumed by saying that her brother would be receiving her certificate in her place and a young man appeared on stage. The loudest of applauses shook the room. The real kind. The kind that you can feel deep inside and which moves your heart.

No one would stop clapping and no one wanted to. It was important that she heard us where she was and I bet she did.

To you, Jess, in celebration of your life, I want to dedicate my own graduation. I wish you were there with us yesterday. I didn’t know you but I’d love to have met you. You are missed.

next time I’ll have that coffee and skip the misery

You wake up at 6 in the evening because you slept at 10 in the morning. Your sleeping schedule is too screwed up to bother thinking about it right now. Something’s not right, you had another weird dream. You think it’s a good idea to not have any coffee now because your new-found optimism suggests that this will help you sleep at a more appropriate time for a change.

You are wrong, not only will this not help but you will also be cranky for the rest of your waking hours. Admitting it is the first step and you, my sad, slow-thinking and profoundly clumsy self have become addicted to caffeine. All these coffee flavoured years of your life have come back to bite you in the ass but you’re not sorry you did it. In fact, you’d do it again.

You haven’t blogged for days and you haven’t shaved in as many. Your summer vacation has taken a weird and unexpected turn. Unexpected because you recently received some wonderful news which does not explain why you feel so miserable right now. You should be on a constant high.

The papers were congratulating you. You are now a scientist. Well, you’re a “Computer Scientist” but saying just “scientist” is funnier. This is another thing you haven’t told the internets. Your results were better than what you expected and you’ll be graduating next week. Hurrah! You realise that things will be different in your life from now on but then you remember.

“Oh…!” There was another envelope. You were offered a place at that Masters degree course you applied to. You feel like uni will never be over. You’ll be the eternal student having a heart attack while frantically trying to take notes of what the lecturer is talking about. Of course you’re complaining, it’s in your nature, and after this last year it’s become the only way you can communicate. You find things to complain about even when the news are great.

You realise you wrote a whole post referring to yourself in the second-person. You loathe yourself.

1 to go (I suck at goodbyes)

Do you know this feeling? There is this awkward feeling where your brain feels heavy. Have you ever had that? Right now that’s what mine feels like, heavy. But not from being full with knowledge, it’s because it’s gone solid. Like some kind of rock or a brick. It has gone numb and I cannot use it any more. I find myself staring into space and I can’t bring myself to focus on what’s really in front of me.

We had our 3rd exam today and I think it went okay but then, what do I know? I’m brain-dead! After it I was supposed to come straight home, nap for a bit and then get into revising for the last exam which is tomorrow. As soon as we got out of the exam hall everyone was talking about going to the pub. You see, for everyone else today was their last day of Uni. But I have my last exam tomorrow for an elective module none of my other coursemates took. It hadn’t hit me until that moment; that was possibly the last time I’d see these guys.

We spent 3 years sharing classrooms and lecture theatres and although I never got very close to a lot of them I was feeling sad. A wave goodbye was not enough. I could not just turn away and leave. They invited me to the pub but I told them I had to study for my next exam. They started walking towards the local pub and since the bus stop was on the way there I joined them. At the last minute I changed my mind and kept walking. I went with them to the pub for a pint.

We had our drinks and chatted. The conversation was around random things and no one would bring up the future so I asked. “What is everyone doing for the summer?” The answers made it obvious it was the end. People were going to look for new accommodation, jobs or move away.

Once I finished my pint I had to go. I had no more time to spare and even though I wanted to stay, I stood up. We said goodbye and with a “see you later”, I opened the door. I know I’ll probably see all of them again at graduation (if everything goes well) in about 2 months but at that very moment it felt like it was the end.

I will now go back to my notes in preparation for my next exam. It’s almost over! Is it weird that I’m feeling a little sad about it? I will probably feel the exact opposite tomorrow.

2 down, 2 to go (my brain hates me)

We are waiting to be called in the exam room. The time goes by and we’re all telling each other how we are not ready for this and dreading the exam. Some laugh nervously, others sit in a corner and one is in the wrong place altogether. Seriously, he’s meant to be somewhere else for a different exam but he doesn’t know. He realises he should had gone in with the previous group and tries to convince us that we are all wrong and it is us who are waiting in the wrong place. He goes to check and we never see him again.

Then one of the examiners opens the doors to let us in to the room. We all take our seats and so I choose a desk as far away from people as possible. Today everything seems more informal, it is a smaller room than last week’s and the examiners are not as uptight. We sit down and within 5 minutes we are casually told that we can now start.

I begin to read.

1. This question is on UML and OCL, the…

-Candymaaaaaaaaan! Hey! Candy Maaaaaan!

– No, this can’t be happening. I thought it was over!

– Who can take the sunriiiiise?

– No! No! Shut up!

the Object Constraint Language. The following type diagram represents a…

– Sprinkle it with dewwww…

– Arghhh! Stop it!

– Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or twoooo

– This is not good.

I keep reading through the rest of the questions and try to answer what I can while this plays over and over in my head.

– The candy man can ’cause he mixes it with love and makes the world taste goooooood…

By the second hour of the exam I have surrendered to the madness. My feet now move along to the full on band going off in my head in dolby surround.

– Talk about your childhood wishes, you can even eat the dishes!

How can you be upset about doing crappy on an exam when you have this song in your head?

– Who can take the rainbow (who can take the rainboooow)
Wrap it in a sigh (wrap it in a siiiiigh)
Soak it in the sun
And make a groovy lemon pie?

Yes, there were backing vocals too. Why does my brain hate me? Why won’t the voices in my head stop torturing me at the worst possible times?