1 down 3 to go

Momentum. That’s what I have right now. I swear I could start revising for my next exam right now but I won’t. I will not, because I think my brain has already turned to mash and I don’t want to push it over the edge. It would probably liquify and that wouldn’t be good since I have another 3 exams before I finish.

Today’s exam was um, interesting. I honestly don’t know what to make of it. I wasn’t in my best of moods today and I couldn’t even smile. My friends at uni knew there was something wrong as soon as they saw me and because I haven’t been taking much care of myself lately either, I also look like crap. One of them looked at me for a few seconds and then said that I looked “old”. I don’t know whether it’s because I haven’t shaved in a WHILE or because the bags under my eyes have now stretched all the way down to my knees but that was the verdict. After waiting for about 30 minutes (yes, of course we were there early) the lecturer told us we could go in and get settled.

I took my time. I found a desk away from people I knew and sat down. I didn’t want to be distracted. My luck had a different opinion though. After I sat down more people came in the hall and filled out all the spots but that was not the bad part. You see, I was expecting all the seats to be filled. What I was not expecting was sitting in direct view of a student with his butt hanging out of his jeans. I am not talking about that “hip” thing where your jeans hang low and everyone can see your underwear. The guy was airing his butt! He was sitting on his frickin’ belt!

A few moments later the faint aroma of shit reached me. I don’t know who it was. Either someone had soiled themselves because of all the stress or they could had stepped in dog shit. All I know was that I was being mooned and could smell shit.

I counted backwards from 10 and I refrained from taking deep breaths. I focused my mind elsewhere. I filled in my details on the papers in front of me and read the first couple of questions of the exam though the front page (I consider this a skill) and tried to think.

The time came and the tutor informed us that we could open our booklets and start the exam. I opened mine and read the first two questions again. They were not making any sense. I moved on to the next page. Nop, still nothing. I felt like the words in front of me had lost all meaning. I moved on to the last page which was of course the last question and it made sense! That was it! That was were I was going to begin. I started writing and writing and once everything I could think of was on the answer booklet I moved back to the previous questions. Everything was making sense now. I was in the zone and I couldn’t stop writing.

Almost 3 hours later and I was still writing. My hand was throbbing but I ignored it. I kept writing until I suddenly stopped. I still had 20 minutes but my brain was finally empty. Everything I could possibly come up with as answers to the questions was now on the paper so I decided to see what I had done. I counted the pages.

14 pages! I hadn’t stopped for 14 pages! I was amazed! Not everything I wrote was relevant but it was correct. If they give me marks for half the stuff on there, I’ve passed.

The next 3 exams are all next week (Tuesday, Thursday and Friday). These will be tougher because I won’t have much time in between to revise as much as I’d like but for now I’m not worrying. I have a few days before Tuesday to prepare for them.

10 days left

And so it starts. The final countdown to what will hopefully be the end of my life as an undergraduate.

My first exam is tomorrow but my mind has already skipped to the end of this academic year. Even though I have a rough few days ahead of me I just need it to feel like it’s over. I am not as stressed as I was a few weeks ago. Actually, I’m lying, I am very stressed and very worried but somehow I’m not letting it get to me. The “come what may” approach.

In light of recent events, (my mother being admitted to hospital and having surgery to remove a brain tumour) I have managed to put everything in perspective. It’s not the healthiest of perspectives but it’s the only thing I can do to keep myself sane through this last stage of my course. If things don’t go well I’ll still survive. I’m not saying I am prepared for things to go wrong but if they do I’m sure I’ll be able to face it.

I know I have not updated you Internets on my mum’s health the last few days so I’ll do it right now. My mother was allowed to leave the hospital on Friday last week after they removed her stitches. She is now at home recovering. Today she saw the doctor as scheduled so they could check and make sure everything is healing up well. Everything is okay and she no longer has any headaches or any of the other symptoms she was having before.

That is all I have to say right now. Wish me luck for tomorrow and I’ll update on how it went after the exam is over and possibly after I’ve had some sleep.

favourite quote of the day

Lecturer: You know what the deal with exams is, right?
Students: *blank stare*
Lecturer: It’s about marks, not knowledge.

walking through a month-long fog

I woke up from a dream where everything around me was misty. Thick fog was blurring my surroundings and I had no idea where I was headed. I was following the road I was on thinking that this was the best way to not get lost. When I opened my eyes the sun was shining and warming my bed through the bedroom window. I could feel the gentle morning sun warmth on my skin. Not being a morning person means that I do not express anything for at least the first 30 minutes of being awake (on my best days) but I was smiling on the inside. I was smiling because the nastiness of the past few weeks is over. The weather is getting warmer every day and it feels like summer every time I go outside.

Guys in just flip-flops and shorts are walking around or sunbathing in the parks. Girls in their most casual clothes are basking in the sun and drinking brightly coloured frozen drinks. Young children are playing at the beach. Older people are sitting in deck chairs chatting away while the sun reddens their skin. I am walking past them all in my usual fast pace wishing that I could be one of them even for only an hour. They all look so carefree and at that very moment I get pulled into their lives. Suddenly I am a young boy throwing pebbles in the sea trying to make a bigger splash than the rest of my recently met friends. I am a mother of 3 smiling as I take a photo of my children acting goofy. I am an old man walking my dog along the seafront with the help of a walking cane. Just like that, I’m there imagining what they are thinking and feeling. I am not imagining what their lives are like but what they are feeling that very moment. They seem happy.

I keep walking and I can’t help but notice that everyone looks happy. Hell, even I am looking happy. It doesn’t matter that I have a very difficult month ahead of me. It doesn’t matter that this month is what will judge whether the last 4 years of my life have been successful or I should had spent my time and money in something else. The only thing that matters is that in exactly a month from today I will be finished with this course. I will not be bound by coursework. I will be able to enjoy my summer and choose my next steps.

The dream was true; I don’t know where I am headed but I am following that road. The road will soon take me to the next town and the fog will clear by the time I get there. Where I go from there is a whole different trip but until then I will remember all this and keep that smile on my face no matter how stressed I get. The wonderful weather will make it harder to stay inside and study but it will elevate my mood and a good mood is vital when preparing for final exams. Final! That word gives me goosebumps!

Off I go!

cutting school to enjoy the sun

After my lecture today I left Uni and went down to the beach since I had about an hour to kill. The weather was incredible and since I hadn’t been out in more than a week I decided to walk around. As part of my New Year’s Resolution, I now carry my camera with me every day. The point of this is that I can now use it more often and take pictures whenever I get the chance or come across something interesting.

Since it was sunny and everyone was out enjoying the sun I set out to take some photos. I set my camera on Auto so I wouldn’t need to pause for setting up, put my headphones on and went for it.

This outing really helped me clear my head. Of course I expect the stress to come back once the next deadline approaches.

I have added some of the photos below.

People prefer to sit on the pebbles

The Seafront Carousel

Helping Hand

Pavilion Palace Garden

The Royal Pavilion Palace