time to start taking care of those New Year’s resolutions: smoking
Today at 16:03 I ceremoniously lit my last cigarette. The event was held on the side walk outside the building where I work and was witnessed by a group of 7 people who were passing by at the time. It was more of a “let’s get this over with” kind of thing and didn’t particularly enjoy smoking it. In the same way that I haven’t enjoyed the last few cigarettes I have smoked over the past week. It was not a matter of dreading or anticipating of my quitting but more of the fact that I hardly ever enjoy smoking. It has always been more of a nervous habit for me than anything else; something to keep my hands occupied and something to take my mind away from my insecurities.
Today at 16:03 I reluctantly decided to stop hurting myself just because I was lazy and stand up tall enough to face it. I am not a coward and I am not weak. I have been through some really hard things and I refuse to accept that a cigarette is of any importance next to all these things.
Today at 16:03 that packet was empty for the last time and I know this will not be easy.
Until further notice, any extra cigarettes will be considered just that; extra. I’m on overtime if you will, while I phase this cancer out of my life for good. Hopefully try #4 will be the good one; the one that sticks.
Related posts:
mission #4: failed (or not?)
smoking
something unexpected!
disappointing Hugh
sleeping
side walk - are you sure you’re not american?
good luck with the no smoking malarkey, just think of the money you’ll save. As for insecurities, have you ever listened to Baz Luhrman - Sunscreen? it took me quite a few years to realise that everybody else is more worried about what you’re thinking about them, to actually have time to worry about you.
Commented on March 20th, 2007 at 9:15 pmI used to hate that song when it first came out. It used to be on MTV all the time and my style back then was completely different to my style now. However I heard it again about a year ago and could not believe how much I actually loved it.
i think the words are very good - they were written by someone else i think - i always listen to them if i have some self doubt
Commented on March 20th, 2007 at 9:32 pmNo, Baz wrote the words I’m pretty sure. I love his films too, they’re very off beat, in a cliched kind of way. Good luck with the no smoking too!
Commented on March 21st, 2007 at 1:34 am