Those of you following me on twitter and who read my previous post here know that I’ve been frantically looking for a new place to live as I received a letter asking me to move out of the flat I’m currently at. The problem is that I have very little time to find a new place and that little time is made even less since I’m starting Uni next week and will have to focus all my energy on making a good start on my Masters degree. So, okay, I may be a little over dramatic and panicking when I shouldn’t panic so much, but that’s my nature. It’s also necessary though because if I don’t react this way and switch to hyper mode I won’t do much about it. That’s right, when it comes to doing something I’m either all there or not at all.

I’ve noticed myself do this in my work, my studying and even my day to day life. I don’t know exactly why I do this. All I’ve come up with so far is that I’m lazy or simply want to have it easy and not be the adult like I’m supposed to.

Of course my hyper mode doesn’t last long. I get so tired that I lose my momentum quickly and then it’s all downhill from there. Or I keep going and I go beyond tired and then loop back to being full of energy. Being like this also means that my brain is constantly preoccupied with over thinking the situation, coming up with alternatives and “what if’s” and sometimes even trying to simulate how things will turn out depending on what might happen. I lose sleep leading to not being able to get out of bed on time and I can’t focus on other simpler things like making a salad. Take last night for instance, I managed to misplace a head of lettuce. I remember taking it out of the fridge but have no idea what I did with it or where I put it.

I know I can be weird at times and I like that about myself, or to be more honest, I’ve come to terms with it and accepted it. When it comes to such weirdness though, I start to worry about myself. Can I not function normally? Say I one day decide to start a family; will I be like that then too?

Will I still be waking up in the middle of the night cuddling something oddly cool and kinda flappy causing me to jump out of bed in terror (and a little bit of girlish screaming) only to find a lettuce under the duvet?

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Written by Colin Brooks on 25.09.08 at 2:15 pm.