I was never into sports. I just don’t find them interesting. I don’t see what all the fuss is about. I believe I lost all interest in sports after the first time I touched a ball. I think it went something like this: “Oh look mom, it bounces! Now where’s the food I was promised?” Of course this also reveals one of my weaknesses… eating.

This is another reason why I don’t like sports. I eat too much and that means that I can’t make any sudden movements for a couple of hours after I’ve eaten so there goes the afternoon. In the morning I hardly even speak, let alone move. And finally the evening is not to be wasted on things that make you sweat when no bed is involved.

Erm, right, back to my point (there was actually a point this time!). I do not like sports and they do not like me. Just think how clumsy I am. Combine it with my bad luck and think how likely it is to attract all the balls in a 10 metre radius to my face (when, of course, I am not looking and don’t have the chance to avoid them). That’s right! Very likely!

One example that I can remember vividly:
I was walking while eating a slice of pizza at the same time. The ball came flying into my face as I was trying to take a bite… I fell on my back with the slice of pizza still on my face. Thankfully it wasn’t too hot (although my face went instantly numb and couldn’t feel a thing). However, I never showed my face in that neighbourhood ever again.

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Written by Colin Brooks on 22.10.05 at 8:31 pm.