therapy in the making » Topical Tuesday #4

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Sep

Topical Tuesday #4 :: Back to School

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Topic :: Back to School

The end of August for me has always been spoiled by thoughts of going back to school or uni. I hardly ever managed to enjoy that last chance of a carefree existence. I think a lot and as I grow up I think even more (”overthink” would be correct term here). Normally I get that uncomfortable feeling in my stomach that you get when you are really not looking forward to what’s coming. I was never afraid of going to school and I always had a good time when I went (mostly because I never bothered with doing school stuff and preferred to have a good time instead) but knowing that I would be limited by something and there would have to be a daily routine of going to school and being bored in front of a teacher always made me hate school. The only thing I was looking forward to (in my younger ages - and by younger I mean pre-mobile phone era) was seeing all my friends again after a whole summer. As we grew up and mobile phones became more popular we were able to keep in touch throughout the summer and would meet up more often as we were old enough to go out. At the same time school was getting harder and good grades were required in order to do something with our lives and be able to study something so there was nothing making me want to go back to school any more.

No matter how much I hated to go back though, I was always excited for the first week. I was always looking at it as a chance to shine and have a great academic year with good grades. Until this day I still do this. It always feels like a fresh start. It feels like everything I’ve done in the years before I can redo and do it better with the knowledge I’ve acquired. It’s later on that it goes wrong. As soon as tit he first assignment is handed out I get all lazy and prove to myself that I have a lot of time to do and won’t do anything about it until more assignments have been given out and I am already cutting it close.

Having known myself for so long (what a weird phrase) I get increasingly worried about this as the years pass. I spent most of this summer stressing about my final year which started yesterday (lectures don’t start until next week). In fact this time I got so stressed that the skin on my palms started to peel off. It had never happened before and I suspected it was some sort of infection. So, naturally, I went to see a doctor who after a few tests said it was stress related. Until Saturday I was feeling like my stomach was going to burst. I had lost my appetite and I only ate because I knew I had to. I wasn’t even hungry! This is a very uncommon thing for me. Eventually, after talking about it with my amazing boyfriend, I managed to find the way to calm myself down and bring me to my old good self.

As you can probably tell from my mood cycles described above, I am now excited about this academic year. I know there will be a lot of work for me to do and there will be times when I will feel too lazy to do anything but I cannot stress any more about it. It is very unhealthy to stress as much as I was stressing and stress will not help me accomplish anything. I have decided to take everything one step at a time, limit all the distractions in my life to a minimum (while retaining a social life so that I don’t go mad) and will try to do all my studying on time.

If you have any suggestions on how to get through my final year of Uni, I’d be really glad to read them.

Wish me luck!

Written by Colin Brooks on 25.09.07 at 3:08 pm.